October 2019

The eight legged beast
By: Monique Wheeler

I am the most scared of spiders, and consider myself someone with arachnophobia ( a moderate case for the smaller ones and an intense case for the gigantic ones). Growing up, the fear was so intense that I would just cry. But like anyone with a fear, I studied them. I would look at ones in the basement of my grandparent’s home and analyze the way they would weave webs and interact with each other. These study sessions of course made my fears worse, and it got to the point where I refused to sleep in my room if there ever one hiding in a ceiling corner (It makes my skin crawl imagining a spider sharing my bed with me!)

I’m not sure where this fear came from since I’ve never had a traumatizing experience with one. I’ve never even got close enough to touch one. However, I have witnessed my southern grandfather slaughter numerous spiders with the open palm of his hand. After every kill, his cheeky grin would slide across his face, anticipating my look of disgust and the lecture that awaited for him over his shoulder. 

About two years ago, my mother introduced me to the idea of no longer killing bugs that we find, but catching and letting them go. At first, I thought that was the most disgusting thing ever. Getting that close to a bug? Letting it go? No thank you. But she explained to me how they're alive just like me. Whenever we killed one I had always wondered after we killed them if their moms were waiting for them to come back home, even as disgusting as they were, this thought alone made me okay with catching them. As time went on, I realized it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It’s actually pretty interesting to watch. I started to notice the different attitudes they have, for example, some run straight into the cup, almost like they know we’ll take care of them, and others are difficult and run around in a panic and refusing to get in the cup. 

Learning to value a life that looks different than mine was weird, but it feels good knowing I was able to save something. I don’t feel as scared of them anymore, and in turn appreciate what they bring into the world. 

Except for the big ones. I think i'll always hate the big ones.