January 2018

Aisha Carter: I'm Back and I'm [Getting] Better

A few weeks ago, I wrote on the topic of being self-aware as it pertained to one’s mental
and emotional wellbeing. Focusing on that facet of self-awareness was essential, because it was
my primary concern, at that time, in attempting to improve myself and the life I was living. And
as this year comes to a close, I will continue to advocate for self-awareness; however, I suggest
we step it up in preparation for the New Year! To be self-aware is a courageous power that not
everyone possesses. It’s an honest and pure power that cannot be limited to solely measuring
someone’s mental and emotional well being; but instead, should be used in every facet of
people’s lives. Could you imagine bringing that power into assessing where you are in life in
terms of religion, relationships, self-esteem, your career, your successes, and your losses?
Looking within oneself can be terrifying, and it’s possible that you won’t like what you find; but,
to truly better yourself, this is what must be done.
As I may have mentioned in my previous article, I began my journey of self-discovery
shortly after entering my twenties. At the start of this journey, I wasn’t too sure of what needed
to be done or what steps needed to be taken. I just knew that I wasn’t who I aspired to be. So, I
cut a few ties and made it my mission to experience life to its fullest, unapologetically. Then
some time had passed, and things hadn’t gotten better. I felt stagnant, off course, and I wasn’t
sure if I liked the direction in which my actions had led me. I suppose I thought that with just
saying I wanted to better myself, that a better me would gradually come into form. And with that
presumption, I was lacking the effort needed to bring a better me to fruition. I took a step back,
and looked at each aspect of my life that I was unhappy with. Beginning with my prospective
career and then on to relationships and losses, I looked within and began making changes from
the inside out.
I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t pretty; but I was honest with myself and made a true
assessment of where I was lacking and what steps needed to be taken. In terms of my career, I
was putting in mediocre effort and expecting extraordinary outcomes. As a result, I joined more
organizations aligned with my career interests, began working on my portfolio, and eventually
was accepted into a prestigious program that will bring me so much closer to my dreams. Now in
terms of relationships, that was much more difficult to assess. I wasn’t ready to come face to face
with those inner demons, but I knew that was a challenge that I had to take on. I found myself to
be overly dependent and reliant on others, which was extremely unhealthy and often resulted in
disappointment on my end. The only solution to this problem was solitude. I needed to find the
beauty and peace of being on my own. I wanted to know who I was, and how my heart and mind
functioned when I was the point of focus. Ultimately, I wanted to learn to love myself far greater
than I’ll ever love anyone else. I have yet to reach this place in my journey, but it won’t be too
much longer.
I know people have mixed feelings about New Year’s resolutions. The thought of
magically making life changes when the clock strikes twelve seems a bit unrealistic to me, as
well. But if you do aspire to be a better you in the New Year, I encourage you to start by looking
within, and assessing what needs to be done and what steps need to be taken. Becoming self-aware isn't always an easy process, but I challenge you to take that first step and
see where it leads you.