September 2019
Listening to you
by: Monique Wheeler
To be honest, I don’t know anything about self care.
For my whole life, I have done everything to create this image of myself. I wanted everyone to think I was perfect. I made sure that I was well manicured, had the best grades, joined the most exclusive clubs, and performed with award winning artists.
I wanted to be this flawless person to make sure no one had reason to dislike me. And to make sure that I didn’t either. When I was given the job to write about the topic of self care, I immediately jumped to writing about my obsession with skin care. But as I started writing, I realized I was only interested in face masks and homemade body scrubs because I wanted my skin to retain its perfect state, and whenever there were imperfections, I would do anything and everything until I got it to be flawless.
So I searched for another topic. I knew self care should be something that’s relaxing, and makes you feel fresh again—something that wakes up a wonder inside you that’s been asleep for quite too long. The only thing that has ever done that for me was being surrounded by music.
I have been singing since I was 3 years old, and performing since I was 11. It’s become way more than an after school hobby, or a reflection of self care. It became my life (in high school it was my actual job!) I spent more time a day singing, than I did with my own family. It started to feel like work and it became more stressful than it did fun. It was supposed to be my way to release all my emotions into the music. I started to get so caught up in what people would think about my voice that I started singing for them, instead of me.
After I graduated, I started to only sing for myself. I missed the way my voice danced along to the melodies and the unique way my body talked to the wind when I danced. It was so natural to me—so personal, it was the only form of rejuvenation I had ever experienced. It became self-care.
Finding what makes you feel most like you is the only thing that matters. It’s a journey to discover a part of you that gets hidden, and it’s important to spend time searching.
Take time to get lost in the music. You’ll be glad you did.